Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas my angel! As you spend another Christmas with our Jesus, we all gather together and try to carry on the traditions the best we can. It will never be the same but we go on, as you would want us to.

We make new memories and I treasure both them and all the memories of the past years when you were here with us.

I miss you so much and today brings me one day closer to seeing you again.

My love forever,

Mom

5 Years of Pain

My Dear Son,

I sit here, just minutes away from another anniversary - the 5th since you left us. And no, it is not getting any easier. The pain is just as intense as it was that day 5 years ago.

I listen to your songs, look through the albums, read all the messages I have received from people over the last 5 years..........and the support and love help, but they don't take away any of the pain.

I know the pain will be with me until the day we are reunited. I cry when I need to and I smile when I can. I exist. But one day, that will all be over.

Until we meet again, I celebrate your life and hold onto to every precious memory!

With All My Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday To Me

My dear son, it's another one of those really bad days. It's the night before another birthday, another day that should be a celebration but instead I am dreading it, not because I'm getting older, but because it is one more day without you.

I can never have a birthday with all 3 of my children together. Even when you were in Italy and Iraq, you called, you sent a card, a gift..........and now I can't even hear your voice. I feel like everything is just tumbling down around me and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

I feel guilty, too, because I still have your Dad, your sister, your brother, my two precious grandbabies and my two other children, Kenny and Amber - and I'm very blessed to have all of them - but our lives are just not complete without you.

So, somehow, I have got to shake this off, put a smile on my face and face the day tomorrow. One day, there will be no more of this pain - but that day won't be here on this earth.

Miss you SOOO much Chris!!

With Love,
Mom

Our Last Family Gathering

Hello Son,

Today marks five years that the whole family was last together with you. You and your sister and brother surprised Dad and I with a 25th Anniversary party. I never thought anyone could surprise me but you three pulled it off!!

Thinking of how much fun we had and how everyone was together not knowing it would be the last time the family gathered with you. I still remember the words of your toast and the beautiful message on the video. It makes me cry every time I think of it, though, as you talked about raising a family and following our example. I always knew you would make a great husband and daddy but that is one dream you weren't able to live. Only God knows why He took you before that could happen.

I have a tough time this time of year and this year seems even worse than the past few years. I am already dreading the holidays and the anniversary of you leaving us. It just doesn't get any easier.

How I wish I could see that smiling face - even just one more time. I love you baby and always will.

Until we meet again,

Mom

Holding Onto The Memories

Dearest Son,

It's another one of those very hard days. I think about you all the time but some days are worse than others. During the difficult times we are facing now, it just reminds me more and more of how much our talks helped me. You were so wise for a person so young in age and always knew the right things to say to me to help heal the pain.

One day at a time.........God gives us grace for this day........and this day brings me another day closer to seeing you again.

Missing you so very much and loving you always,
Mom

Thank You

Dear Son,

Thanking you once again for your unselfish service to our country. I was thinking back, this week, to your first leave from Italy. You came home just in time to celebrate the 4th of July with us. As we sat at the state fairgrounds, watching the fireworks, I can still feel that pride I felt that day as I looked at you.

Though life has been a real roller coaster these last few months, I can still say with total certainty that we live in the best land and we owe it to all our brave military. As we all gather at Heather and Kenny's today, I will be missing you ever so much and wishing you could be here with us.

My love always,

Mom

My First Mother's Day

Dear Chris,

I still remember my first Mother's Day in 1983 - what a special day that was!! And now 27 years later, this holiday is very bittersweet. I have two beautiful children here on earth but I am still missing my firstborn so very much.

I have the Mother's Day card you gave me in 2001, right before you left for Ft. Benning, sitting on my shelf, and it makes me cry every time I read it. You made your mama proud and I wish so much that I could tell you that one more time.

Loving you always and forever,

Mom

Happy Easter Son

Happy Easter Son!!!

Here we go again....another holiday without you!!! It is "supposed to" get easier but it just keeps getting more difficult. This year, especially, with so much going on that is not good, it is hard to stay focused and be jubilant.

But this day is THE most holy day of our faith and I need to keep myself focused on that.

I know you will be watching your little nephews and remembering all the Easter egg hunts you had with your sister, brother and cousins. The good ol' days!!!

I love you so much Chris and I miss you more than I can even say!!

Mom

I Need You

Dear Chris,

Never have I felt as desperate as today to have one of your big warm hugs! Up until now, I've been able to survive on my faith but that is getting harder and harder to do.

I can't talk to anyone about what is going on - and I feel so lonely. The last bit of what we have of you is being ripped away from us.

I know I will get through this - I always do - but right now I feel like there is no hope, absolutely none. Just wish I could hear your voice - telling me everything was going to be okay.

Back on my knees, I need to go - and hold on - and trust, believe and hope again.

MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!

Love Always,

Mom

They Will Know You

Dear Son,

This week marked the first birthday of another nephew who will never know you personally but will always know you in their heart. Little Mikey is still too young to understand but he will one day hear some wonderful stores of his Uncle Chris just like Christopher does.

Little Christopher still amazes me - how smart he is for his young years. Yesterday as we sat and ate lunch together, the topic of Buddy came up. I explained to him that Buddy was once your dog. And once again, he told me how much he "missed" his Uncle Chris and once again I couldn't control the tears. As I look into his innocent eyes and listen to him tell me that it is okay - that I will be with you one day and that we will all be happy forever - the same things I have told him before - I have to thank God again for these precious blessings He has given me.

Life does go on, though not the same life I knew before December 4, 2005. But, it is my life now, the life God has given me and I live each day to the fullest, knowing that each day brings me one day closer to being with you again.

I love you so much and miss you terribly,

Mom

Happy 27th Birthday

Dear Chris,

Just a couple of hours away from your twenty seventh birthday. Just about at this time, twenty seven years ago, I was preparing to go to the hospital. I remember all the details, as if they were yesterday.

God blessed me beyond anything I could imagine!!! My firstborn, my precious child, a joy that could not be explained in words. And now I sit and remember....all I have left are those wonderful memories - the day you came into this world and all the years after that....until that Sunday night when you were taken back home.

You were such a blessing to your mother and I will always be proud that I was able to call you my son.

Until that wonderful day when we meet again..........

Loving you with all my heart and soul and missing you more than words can say,

Your Loving Mom