Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas my angel! As you spend another Christmas with our Jesus, we all gather together and try to carry on the traditions the best we can. It will never be the same but we go on, as you would want us to.

We make new memories and I treasure both them and all the memories of the past years when you were here with us.

I miss you so much and today brings me one day closer to seeing you again.

My love forever,

Mom

5 Years of Pain

My Dear Son,

I sit here, just minutes away from another anniversary - the 5th since you left us. And no, it is not getting any easier. The pain is just as intense as it was that day 5 years ago.

I listen to your songs, look through the albums, read all the messages I have received from people over the last 5 years..........and the support and love help, but they don't take away any of the pain.

I know the pain will be with me until the day we are reunited. I cry when I need to and I smile when I can. I exist. But one day, that will all be over.

Until we meet again, I celebrate your life and hold onto to every precious memory!

With All My Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday To Me

My dear son, it's another one of those really bad days. It's the night before another birthday, another day that should be a celebration but instead I am dreading it, not because I'm getting older, but because it is one more day without you.

I can never have a birthday with all 3 of my children together. Even when you were in Italy and Iraq, you called, you sent a card, a gift..........and now I can't even hear your voice. I feel like everything is just tumbling down around me and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

I feel guilty, too, because I still have your Dad, your sister, your brother, my two precious grandbabies and my two other children, Kenny and Amber - and I'm very blessed to have all of them - but our lives are just not complete without you.

So, somehow, I have got to shake this off, put a smile on my face and face the day tomorrow. One day, there will be no more of this pain - but that day won't be here on this earth.

Miss you SOOO much Chris!!

With Love,
Mom

Our Last Family Gathering

Hello Son,

Today marks five years that the whole family was last together with you. You and your sister and brother surprised Dad and I with a 25th Anniversary party. I never thought anyone could surprise me but you three pulled it off!!

Thinking of how much fun we had and how everyone was together not knowing it would be the last time the family gathered with you. I still remember the words of your toast and the beautiful message on the video. It makes me cry every time I think of it, though, as you talked about raising a family and following our example. I always knew you would make a great husband and daddy but that is one dream you weren't able to live. Only God knows why He took you before that could happen.

I have a tough time this time of year and this year seems even worse than the past few years. I am already dreading the holidays and the anniversary of you leaving us. It just doesn't get any easier.

How I wish I could see that smiling face - even just one more time. I love you baby and always will.

Until we meet again,

Mom

Holding Onto The Memories

Dearest Son,

It's another one of those very hard days. I think about you all the time but some days are worse than others. During the difficult times we are facing now, it just reminds me more and more of how much our talks helped me. You were so wise for a person so young in age and always knew the right things to say to me to help heal the pain.

One day at a time.........God gives us grace for this day........and this day brings me another day closer to seeing you again.

Missing you so very much and loving you always,
Mom

Thank You

Dear Son,

Thanking you once again for your unselfish service to our country. I was thinking back, this week, to your first leave from Italy. You came home just in time to celebrate the 4th of July with us. As we sat at the state fairgrounds, watching the fireworks, I can still feel that pride I felt that day as I looked at you.

Though life has been a real roller coaster these last few months, I can still say with total certainty that we live in the best land and we owe it to all our brave military. As we all gather at Heather and Kenny's today, I will be missing you ever so much and wishing you could be here with us.

My love always,

Mom

My First Mother's Day

Dear Chris,

I still remember my first Mother's Day in 1983 - what a special day that was!! And now 27 years later, this holiday is very bittersweet. I have two beautiful children here on earth but I am still missing my firstborn so very much.

I have the Mother's Day card you gave me in 2001, right before you left for Ft. Benning, sitting on my shelf, and it makes me cry every time I read it. You made your mama proud and I wish so much that I could tell you that one more time.

Loving you always and forever,

Mom